Friday, February 18, 2005

Let's get a grip.

Recently, I've been asked a lot of questions about the existence of other faerie tale creatures and Hollywood monsters.

Now, whether these people are merely mocking me, or whether they really believe that the existence of vampyrs is somehow license to believe in leprechauns, I don't know. But somehow, admitting the existence of one creature we thought to be mythological seems to open a floodgate to talk about them all.

Fine. Here are answers to some questions I've received:
Ever run across any other (Guild) agents that take care of other types of
stuff?
What, like rabid dogs and stuff? No. The Guild is just for dealing with vampyrs. We hunt vampyrs. That's it.
What do you guys do with werewolves?
There's no such thing as a werewolf, at least not that I've ever seen. There is a Baltic strain of vulgaris that is particularly hairy.
Do you agents handle excorsism?
First of all, turn on your spell-check. Secondly, if you mean exorcism, then no, we don't. The Catholic church, with which we are not affiliated, has an organization that handles such matters. Unlike the Guild, they jealously guard their privacy, because the Catholic church is... I don't know, embarrassed or something.
Have you ever met Frankenstein?
Shut the fuck up.
If vampyrs are real, what else is real?
Vague much? Look, I don't fucking know. We deal with vamps. That's all we do. I don't know anything about anything else. Like I said before, I know there's a group that deals with exorcism. I think there's another one that deals with poltergeists and spooky shit like that. We never cross paths; we work different fields. And if anybody ever calls us and says, "there's a kid down here yakking up pea soup," or "my shit's flying all over the place," we'll tell them to fuck off. Why? Because we just deal with vamps.

I don't mean to be rude (well, actually, I don't care if I'm rude), but I do want to explain this clearly: I'm a vamp man. When it comes to other stuff, I don't know shit about shit. You got questions about banishees or your fairy godmother, go ask somebody else.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well ya know, don't ask, don't learn. I asked because I had heard of another and just wondered if you had as well. so much for friendly chatter. :)

pip pip,
Alicia

dhkrauss said...

Point.

Look, I don't spend a lot of time around normal folk. By necessity, I live alone. There's a guy in the shitty apartment next to my shitty apartment that'll talk to me about what I do, but I'm pretty sure he wears a foil helmet when nobody's around.

So if I'm rude, it's just because... well, frankly, I'm a dick. Nothing personal.

Anonymous said...

mcgeary has ap oint, i live in the middle of no-where, hteres nothing around my house apart from fields and a forest. there's always something lurking around the forest at night, i no this because you can hear it, and like mcgeary again, there aren't any wolves anywhere near my house so i guess thats prooved you wrong

Anonymous said...

mcgeary has ap oint, i live in the middle of no-where, hteres nothing around my house apart from fields and a forest. there's always something lurking around the forest at night, i no this because you can hear it, and like mcgeary again, there aren't any wolves anywhere near my house so i guess thats prooved you wrong